


And you?

by Fangirlqueen87



Category: Emmerdale, robron
Genre: M/M, Mention of Death, Mention of abuse, actual talking, mention of self harm, progress - Freeform, reflecting, rob trying to protect aaron and aaron wanting rob to open up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-17
Updated: 2016-05-17
Packaged: 2018-06-09 02:48:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,282
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6886249
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fangirlqueen87/pseuds/Fangirlqueen87
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"And you?" He offered lightly pressing a hand to Robert's arm and catching him by surprise.</p><p>Robert's eyes widened, he felt completely unprepared for what to say. It felt ridiculous to think but...but he couldn't help but realise no one had asked him how he had felt throughout it all, throughout the trail and the aftermath and Gordon's death.</p><p>Aaron was his priority, Aaron was everyone's priority and he was...well he didn't need to be one.</p><p>Or </p><p>Aaron asks Robert how he is feeling and Robert dosent know how to handle it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	And you?

**Author's Note:**

> So I was a bit disappointed by scenes this week and thought I would write this to cheer myself up and hopefully making some people smile and feel a bit more positive about things! Tell me what you think! Xx

Aaron sat beside Robert, thighs touching tenderly as they rested on sofa after a long day. Things were better with them now, Liv wasn't giving them a hard time anymore and Robert had somehow refrained from feeling the need to overprotect Aaron, well that's what Aaron thought anyway. Aaron rubbed his face lightly as he sipped at the beer he was holding in his hand, the session he had just come back from was particularly helpful. He had been visiting councillor for the past few weeks now and it seemed to be helping, the woman, Daisy, or Dr Chamberlin, seemed to calm Aaron's thoughts and make him rationalise his fears.

This particular session had involved talking about his 'support group' and it made Aaron almost cringe as he thought about how wide his support group stretched. Practically half the village wanted to help him, but then it made him think of Robert and suddenly his mind darkened. Who did Robert _really_ have to turn to when he wanted to scream and shout about everything that had happened? _Victoria? Who else?_ Daisy then started talking more deeply about how his support group were dealing with certain events and all he could say about his boyfriend was 'he's been there for me throughout everything...he's taking it...well I suppose'. He hadn't even believed himself as he told her and that's what hurt the most.

Robert was struggling, of course he was sometimes, but who knew? Who saw him crumble because Aaron didn't, Aaron didn't seem him crumble once.

  
"You've been awfully quiet..." Robert was testing the waters, not quite sure whether or not Aaron was in the mood for one of his chats. He had come in and held him tightly as if he had just _needed_ to be held and Robert didn't question him about it, he didn't want to push him away. Especially since this sessions that had made Aaron seem lighter, more happier with himself.

  
Aaron turned to face Robert and bit his lip,  
"Just thinking."

  
"About what?" Robert said back, quickly enough to catch Aaron off guard.

  
Aaron shrugged his shoulders,  
"Everything...that's happened."

  
Robert bit his lip, everything included the Gordon, the trial, the death, Liv, them.

  
"What about it...good or bad Aaron?" Robert had gotten used to asking Aaron such questions. The councellor had referred him to some booklets that helped him react and approach Aaron when he his feelings weren't exactly clear.

  
Aaron shrugged his shoulders again and Robert inhaled deeply.

  
"How are you feeling Aaron?" Robert gulped not knowing what to expect, he hated that deep feeling in the pit of his stomach, filled with anticipation.

  
Aaron nodded his head and Robert immediately relaxed.

  
"And you?" He offered lightly pressing a hand to Robert's arm and catching him by surprise.

  
Robert's eyes widened, he felt completely unprepared for what to say. It felt ridiculous to think but...but he couldn't help but realise no one had asked him how _he_ had felt throughout it all, throughout the trail and the aftermath and Gordon's death.

Aaron was his priority, Aaron was everyone's priority and he was...well he didn't need to be one.

  
"Me?" Robert offered quickly.

  
Aaron bit his lip and looked around the room and then back to Robert,  
"I don't see anyone else around here...do you?"

  
Robert let out a nervous chuckle,  
"I...er...where is this coming from?" He didn't know what to say, too scared to say anything wrong.

  
Aaron frowned lightly,  
"Can't I just want to know how you are? It's a simple question."

  
Robert frowned back at him and suddenly got up and walked towards the kitchen area. He knew what Aaron wanted and he wasn't in the mood for a deep and meaningful. He had had a stressful day at work with Charity and Nicola both going on about brining in new clients, he had ran into Liv quite literally spilling coffee all over himself and now all he wanted was a quiet drink with Aaron after his session. To ask how Aaron was, was just the usual but for Aaron to ask how he was seemed different - maybe it was his tone or the way he was looking at him as he said it. It just made Robert seem wary of saying too much.

  
"It's not _just_ a simple question though Aaron is it...I get what you're tryna say."

  
Aaron played with his thumbs softly,  
"I want to talk Robert. We need to talk."

  
Robert sighed softly,  
"Now? Now you want to talk?" Aaron nodded his head and Robert pulled another face one that said _I love you but I can't do this now_. One that made Aaron almost give up.

  
Aaron's silence either meant he agreed or he was too angry to say anything else, Robert used the silence to his advantage whispering something about getting another bottle of beer and walking towards the door.

  
"I don't ask you. I never ask you...I'm sorry."

  
Robert felt his heart race quickly as he turned around and saw Aaron's face. He looked almost defeated, almost broken and Robert didn't understand why.

  
"Sorry about what?" Robert whispered suddenly Aaron's broken eyes told him that he couldn't run away from his feelings, from talking things through when Aaron seemed so onboard with the idea.

  
Robert walked back towards Aaron and slid next to him.

  
"After everything...everything that's happened, you've been there for me...throughout it all and I haven't done the same have I?" Aaron mumbled softly, he was nearly crying.

  
Robert frowned softly before leaning closer and stroking at Aaron's face,  
"Don't be so silly eh." Aaron pulled a face "Where is all _this_ coming from?" He suddenly gulped as he thought about where Aaron had just been.

  
"We were talking about...about support groups and...and who we have." Aaron mumbled the words not looking at Robert.

  
Robert nodded his head, struggling to connect the dots and figure out why Aaron seemed so upset.

  
"Shouldn't that have helped? You know how many people support you."

  
Aaron shook his head quickly,  
"Of course I do. But then she asked me about...about how my support have handled things...how they've coped and I...I started talking about mum and how she couldn't bare it and...and Cain actually _crying_ and _hugging_ me and how it felt weird..." Aaron sniffed, he was nearly crying again but then Robert chuckled softly and he smiled weakly "And then I thought of you. I thought of how...how I never saw you break down like they did."

  
Robert gulped hard and pulled away slightly. _Shit...feelings....shit._

  
"Dosent mean I didn't" he let out quickly causing Aaron to frown at him.

  
"I was a wreck Aaron but...but you didn't have to see any of that... _any_ of it." Robert thought about all those days, all those times where he would cry himself to seep thinking about how badly Gordon messed up Aaron's life for him. Thoughts about what Aaron went through circled his mind every night and made him feel sick and then in the morning he would smile and hug Aaron and tell him everything would he fine even though he was dying inside.

  
"Why not? Why didn't I see it?" Aaron shook his head and wondered if he had ignored Robert _that_ badly.

  
Robert placed a hand in Aaron's,  
"Because I didn't _let_ you..."

  
"Why not?" Aaron repeated.

  
Robert shook his head,  
"It wasn't fair. You didn't need me crying like a baby on ya when you were a mess Aaron. It wouldn't have helped." He bit his lip to stop himself from crying and it helped.

  
"Maybe not but...but at least I would have known -"

  
"Known what? Known that...that everytime I thought about it...it made me feel sick. Sick to my stomach and fucking guilty for every degrading thing I had _ever_ done to you." Robert let the words out in one shaky breath before pulling back and shaking his head. He didn't mean to shout, he had.

  
Aaron studied the way Robert was practically shaking and felt the need to stop it. He was stunned but he needed to hear it. It was healthy Daisy had said, to hear about other people's emotions.

  
"Guilty? Robert you shouldn't be guilty about anything that happened with my - with _him_ " Aaron said quickly as he watched Robert shake his head in protest.

  
"You don't understand Aaron...everything I did to ya just suddenly made sense to me, made me realise that I made all the shit you had in your head even more mixed up together..." Robert whispered before pulling away once more and resting his arm against the side of the sofa.

  
"What he did...what he did to ya Aaron, it broke me...but I couldn't say anything..." Robert tried to keep himself composed but it was hard, especially when Aaron was looking at him like that.

  
"I never even asked you about...about how it...how you felt." Aaron whispered as he longed for Robert to hold him, Robert shook his head and suddenly he realised that they needed this comfortable space between them.

  
"I didn't expect you to. You didn't need to." Robert sighed slowly as he rubbed a hand over his face.

  
"Of course I did."

  
"No you _didn't_ Aaron, after everything you had just told me...how could I expect you to ask _me_ how I was coping. How I was handling it. It wasn't about me Aaron." Robert tried to make him understand and Aaron slowly nodded his head as he heard Robert open up slightly.

  
"After you told me...I sat and watched you sleep...at Debbie's house remember?" Aaron could hardly forget. He could still feel the swear drip from his forehead, still hear the soft words.

  
"And I cried...I just cried and..." Robert was gone, practically a mess now as he thought back to the way he cried, this deep rooted pain he had never experienced before that made him _weep_ like a child. Aaron was hurt, Aaron was broken and he couldn't fix it.

  
Aaron moved towards Robert and held him close to his chest.

  
"You were broken Aaron and I couldn't help you because he had already damaged ya...made you feel worthless. I told you I loved you and you didn't...you didn't even believe me. I just dint know what to do." He sobbed into Aaron's chest and suddenly Aaron felt a need to protect Robert against everything.

  
"It's okay...this is okay...we need this Robert, this is healthy." Aaron felt like he was a Daisy and he rolled his eyes at the thought but he couldn't help but realise this is what they _did_ need. They needed this raw and brutal conversation about how Robert felt.

  
Robert pulled away from Aaron and rubbed at his eyes before looking at Aaron,  
"How is this good eh?" He could see that Aaron had tears in his eyes "I just making you upset again."

  
Aaron pulled a face and shook his head,  
"Robert just because I'm crying dosent mean -"

  
"I feel like shit when you cry Aaron, it makes me feel like the worst person in the world." Robert whispered as he shook his head and thought about all the times where he was responsible for the way Aaron's tears fell.

  
"I'm sorry." Aaron mumbled.

  
"Dont be sorry for crying, fuck I'm sorry for making you say sorry for crying now...great I'm making you think you have to say sorry." Robert said the words too quickly as he placed his head in his hands and struggled to calm himself down.

  
Aaron pulled a hand towards Robert and pushed his hands away so he could see Robert's green eyes.

  
"Robert...please don't...don't think you can't tell me things because I might fucking cry."

  
The thought made Aaron upset, he didn't want Robert to ever keep his own feelings bottled up for his sake.

  
"I don't want to upset you Aaron. That's why I didn't tell you...why I didn't show you how I felt about what _he_ did to you. I knew that you needed me to be strong so...so I'd be like this on my own." the last past didn't mean to come out and he could tell from Aaron's broken expression that he had heard every word and was now imagining him crying on his own like some pathetic loser - exactly like he had been.

  
Aaron was suddenly crying, a tear fell and he quickly felt more coming.

  
"On your own?" The thought of Robert going through pain and upset by himself made him feel sick. He had been there in the past, when no one else seemed to care enough to want to see him cry and he couldn't bare the thought of Robert going through the same thing. Not when he loved him enough to care.

  
Robert nodded his head.

  
"I didn't want to -"

  
"Upset me yeah I heard." Aaron shook his head and sighed "I had mum, Cain, Adam...and you had no one."

  
"Aaron you can hardly compare situations eh. You...you were dealing with...with everything that was going on. _Him_ coming back and ruining your life again and I was just -"

  
"Dealing with someone you love destroy themselves." Aaron let out the words slowly and studied the way Robert's head feel as he thought about it all. That's exactly what he was doing. He was feeling this pain that stemmed directly from the pain of a lover and no one ever saw it.

  
Aaron frowned for a second before leaning closer,  
"But what about Vic...or..."

  
"Or who eh?"

  
The words stung more than either of them had expected. The realisation that Robert didn't have anyone else made Aaron almost want to cry again.

  
"Don't say that." Aaron mumbled half heartedly.

  
"It's true, you and Vic...you're all I've got." Robert whispered softly as he thought about it "and Diane...but I could hardly tell her about it"

  
Aaron bit his lip,  
"Andy wouldn't have just -"

  
"He would have trust me. He probably would have filmed me crying like a baby and then laughed in my face." Robert sniffed "I would have deserved it."

  
Aaron shook his head and sighed,  
"I have people to turn to and...Robert I can't bare the thought of you having no one...I hate it." He said pulling Robert closer and not wanting to let him go.

  
Robert hated how he was making Aaron feel but he knew that Aaron needed to understand, deep down he realised Aaron needed to know.

  
A few minutes passed before Robert held Aaron's hand again,  
"I kept it in. I _couldn't_ lumber you with what _I_ was feeling, not when you were so...so...broken Aaron." Robert said as he watched another tear roll down Aaron's cheek, he leaned over and wiped it away before staring down at his arm and remembering the way he felt when he caught him in his arms. The way he felt as he pulled him to his car, stopping the blood as best he could and then seeing Aaron huddled over, dazed and desperate for help. Robert shivered.

  
"When you fainted, when they told me you could have...how was I supposed to tell you...that I was scared out of my fucking mind." Robert whispered as Aaron placed a hand on his his again.

  
"So what? You just didn't do anything? Kept it all in and supported me through it all?" Aaron mumbled, he could never love anyone as much as he loved Robert, now he was even more sure if that was even possible.

  
Robert nodded his head,  
"I loved you too much to let you crumble because I was too much of a sap to keep my emotions in check."

  
"And now?" Aaron shuffled as he looked at Robert expectantly.

  
Robert frowned.

  
"Now I'm better, I'm past that so why don't you want to talk about things? About how you're feeling?"

  
Robert his his lip,  
"Because I'm scared Aaron." He let the words fall out as he tried to keep himself calm.

  
"Scared of _what_?" Aaron said as his eyes widened "Honesty?"

  
Robert sighed hard before pulling away again.

  
"No...yes I mean no...I'm scared of saying too much...what I just said about how I felt. If I say that then I'm dragging you back there and you don't need to know how I felt back then okay?"

  
Aaron pulled a hand through his hair,  
"Why do you think I'm going to these sessions? What do you think I talk about with her?"

  
Robert sat back. He didn't ask questions like that. He asked if Aaron was okay every day, almost three times a day sometimes but that was it.

  
"You don't know why I even talk about with her." Aaron sighed slowly "Don't you want to?"

  
Robert bit his lip. He didn't _need_ to know. He would _know_ instantly if it had been okay for Aaron, he would smile and poke him and kiss him into his lips felt numb. If it hadn't been okay he would, if a topic went too deep or Aaron had broke down he would know, Aaron would come in quietly and he would wrap his arms around Robert and hold him until he was ready to let go again. But Robert would needed ask, he didn't want to make things any worse.

  
"It's your business Aaron...I don't want -"

  
"You're my boyfriend Robert, my business is supposed to be your business and vice versa."

  
Robert could have smiled if he didn't feel so bad, the way Aaron said boyfriend would almost make him tingle.

  
"I just didn't want to hurt you, I'm so scared of hurting you Aaron." Robert sighed finally let the words spill out.

  
Aaron cupped Robert's face and held him,  
"You have to try and not to be scared Rob...because I'm not scared anymore, I'm not scared of this, of _us_ because I know that we need each other and that we will always be there for each other and that is what matters the most. I can't thank you enough for how much you have...how much all you have done for me has...has meant. I love you so much." He whispered softly and Robert's heart almost gave way. 

  
Robert touched Aaron tenderly and then planted a soft kiss on his lips, breaking whatever was in between them and crashing through all the walls in their way "I love you more." 

  
"We need to do this more Robert...we need to speak to each other because this is what will help us move on. Don't ever hide stuff from me because I might cry, yes I probably will cry but..." Aaron smiled and Robert chuckled "probably" Robert added "Yeah and then we can sort things out and I promise I won't shatter into a million pieces if you tell me how you feel, okay?" Aaron said softly before kissing Robert's head and looking back at him.

  
"Okay." Robert whispered before hugging Aaron tightly, he was holding him and feeling all of that deep rooted nasty rotting emotions begin to fade, begin to dissolve into nothing because they had been addressed, they had been sorted out and now he was able to move on, firm in the knowledge that Aaron asking how he was for a change was a good thing, a healthy thing.

How could the man you love wanting to know how you were feeling about anything and everything be anything else?


End file.
